Have you ever had this feeling when you meet someone – or maybe you’ve known them for a long time already – and suddenly it’s like you’re hit square in the chest and there’s this warm feeling that blossoms around your heart and unfurls inside your body? It almost feels like a coal fire that starts small, a shimmer in the dark, and then it grows into a flame, warm and steady and bright inside of you?

This is how I felt about Rashid. I guess they don’t call it Cupid’s Arrow for no reason because that’s how I felt. Only the arrow was on fire and ignited something deep inside of me, thawing the ice and filling me with light – and maybe hope that my broken heart wasn’t completely lost.

The first time I saw him was at Lestat’s exclusive gig at Preservation Hall, and if I’m honest with myself, it was love at first sight. Maybe not quite love, but the flicker was definitely there. My sense of self-preservation is probably low to non-existent at the best of times, so a hot, mysterious guy eyeing me across that room just had me go weak in the knees and sent my heart pounding.

I saw him again when I went clubbing with the vampires, but we first spoke when we met for the first time, on my 23rd birthday at the Sazerac. The spark hadn’t gone out; it was still there, and when we started talking, it was like a breeze kindling it into a glow. If this were a comic book adaptation, there would be hearts and little sparks flying between us. There weren’t, but I could still feel my skin tingling.

When Rashid leaves the Sazerac and I realise I didn’t give him my phone number and all I have is his business card with some digits scribbled on it, I am convinced I screwed up. I know he said it’s his number, but surely not his private one? He said he’d be in touch. Do I still try this number? When? When is it too soon? When is it too late?

I run outside and try to spot him in the crowd of people on the streets. There’s no sight of him. Vanished into thin air again. I guess if your job means spying on supernatural beings, you pick up a trade or two. I curse myself for being the dumbest of dumbasses out there and return to the bar. I didn’t pay for my drink, but the bartender just winks at me and says it’s been taken care of by “the gentleman.”

I catch a glance at the big clock above the bar and curse again. It’s later than I thought it was. Time just flew by with Rashid. I’m going to be late for my own birthday party. Josie will be so furious. I consider my options. Either cough up the cash for a cab or face Josie’s fury. I choose option A and enter the house at exactly 7 pm, when I said I’d be there.

Josie is in the kitchen and looks gorgeous with her face bright red and sweaty from cooking and her massive twin pregnancy belly. Hugging her is a little difficult, but I manage, and she kisses me on the cheek and wishes me a happy birthday. Then my princess is on me. Her face looks like she dipped it in sprinkles and icing, and she leaves some on my face when she kisses me.

“Hapbee birfdee, Unkie Lell!” she squeaks and flashes a toothless smile at me. She presents me with a colourful painting of herself, her mom looking the size of Bigfoot with two tangled-up stick figures inside her body, and Big Mal, who looks considerably smaller than Josie, and another figure with a crown on its head and a present in its hands. I guess that is me, the birthday boy.

I admire her art dutifully and thank her profoundly when I see Big Mal standing a little awkwardly in the door frame of the living room.

“Hey, boss!” I greet him. Technically he isn’t my boss anymore, and I only helped out at the store with deliveries a couple of times, but the nickname just stuck. We shake hands, a little stiff, and he congratulates me when I hear a slight cough behind me. Josie is right, and when I thank Big Mal, I hug him. He’s Josie’s partner and the twins’ father, who also didn’t run for the hills when he found out about their existence (unlike Soso’s “maker”), so that makes him family.

I really don’t have anything against Big Mal or the fact that he’s now in my sister’s life. I can see the love between them, and Soso adores him. I’m just so used to this being Josie’s house where she lives with my niece that I kind of forget that now he’s there as well. For years, and once Dad was gone, this was also a place where I could go and seek shelter. I could never stay long because closed rooms still suffocate me after a while, but this was where I felt safe. Now with Big Mal there (and the pending arrival of two more tiny humans), the house is getting cramped.

Of course, I have my own place now, and I love it there, but I can’t shake this feeling of loss.

It wouldn’t be fair to take it out on Big Mal, though, so I hug him and give him a big pat on the back to thank him. Josie orders us all to sit down at the kitchen table. She cooked my favourite food, a vegan gumbo, and usually I would have dug in hungrily and eaten half the pot myself, but today I feel odd. Finally meeting my mystery man – Rashid… his name is Rashid – has shaken me up more than I care to admit, even to myself. I keep glancing at my phone, hoping against hope to see a text message pop up, but it stubbornly remains silent and dark. I catch a reproachful look from Josie. There’s a strict “no phones at the table” policy in this house, and I ruefully stow it in my back pocket and mouth an apology.

After Big Mal clears the table for us, Soso drags me into the living room to watch an episode of her favourite cartoon series, Rainbow Rangers. Josie nods her consent, and Soso’s gay, superhero-loving uncle approves anyway. Rainbows and superheroes – can it get any better? We start the programme, and Soso does her favourite things, which is quizzing me on all the characters. I pretend I’m completely ignorant because I know it makes her giggle. Her bright laughter that sounds like tiny bells in a breeze warms my heart and makes me happy. Then we fight over who’s the best of the Rainbow Rangers. Her favourite is Lavender LaViolette (she loves the colour), and my usual reaction is a huff. Indigo Allfruit is my girl!

Soso is snuggled up tight to me, her small body pressing against mine. Her head is on my chest, one hand tucked underneath it, and her other arm is on my stomach. Before the second episode starts, I can feel her breathing go slower and deeper. She’s fast asleep. I keep still so she won’t wake and finish the episode. I lean over to breathe in her fresh, innocent scent. Josie probably bathed her before dinner, and I can smell traces of something floral in her hair. Over the top of her head, I can see Josie watching us from the kitchen, a smile on her face.

Carefully, I pick Soso up, her head lolling against my chest, and I carry her upstairs to her room. It used to be Josie’s room, but with Big Mal around and the twins on the way, Josie eventually decided to redecorate our parents’ bedroom with Big Mal’s help. There’s still the smell of fresh paint lingering upstairs. Sign of a fresh start and the ghosts of the past banished. Big Mal and Josie sleep in the big bedroom now, and my princess Soso finally has her own realm to reign over.

It’s a princess’ dream room, full of pink and glitter. Big Mal painted a castle on one of the walls. It looks really good. I gently put Soso down on the bed, remove the pretty dress she insisted on wearing for the occasion and pull her nightgown over her head. It says “Sofia the First”, and it makes me chuckle. I know it’s a TV series, but it’s just so perfect. My Soso stirs but doesn’t fully wake. She mumbles something that sounds like “Unkie Lell” and goes back to sleep. I kiss her forehead, breathe in her clean smell again and tiptoe out of the room.

On my way to the stairs, I walk past my old door. It stands half ajar, and I go inside. I’m a little surprised to find it completely unchanged. I thought that with all the revamping going on, my room got an overhaul as well. Maybe as the twin’s nursery. But it’s all still there. My bed with the Marvel bedsheets. My wardrobe with the sagging door that I kicked as a teenager in a temper tantrum and that nobody bothered to fix. My Rockstar Lestat poster. Gosh, that one feels weird. He still looks exactly the same. Maybe he’s calmed down a bit, and I think that might be because of Louis’ influence. But to think of what I used to get up to with his image in my head as a pubescent teenager, and now I’m playing chess with the man. And he’s a mind-reader, so he knows…

I sit down on my bed and look at the alarm clock my mom bought me when I was five. It has mouse ears and Mickey’s smiling face in the centre, the hand shaft just above Mickey’s nose. I saw it and begged my mom to buy it for me. I was too little to understand that it was out of our price range, but Mom surprised me with it one day. It wasn’t even my birthday or Christmas. It was suddenly just sitting there on my nightstand, and my mom told me to keep silent about it. Of course, Dad found out, and Mom paid more for it than just the dollars at the store. I think she knew she was dying at that point and wanted to leave me with something to remember her by.

I sit there, surrounded by the ghosts of my own past and bittersweet memories. My childhood wasn’t all pink castles and unicorns, but I had a mom who loved me. And I have a sister and a niece who both love me, even if I have to share them with a whole bunch of other people now.

I can see Josie’s shadow in the door and look up to acknowledge her.

“Can I come in?” She asks softly.

I nod. “Of course, it’s your house.”

“Our house,” she corrects me. “And this is still your room.”

“I thought you’d cleaned it out by now. Turned it into a room for the babies.” I admit.

She shakes her head. “No. Never.” She sits down next to me. “The babies will sleep in our room, at first at least. Mal is already making big plans about adding more rooms to the house. I think he’s hoping for more babies down the line.” She pulls a face but laughs. She puts a hand on my knee and gives it a pat.

“This will always be your room. This is your home.”

I give her a half-smile in gratitude. She gives me this intense sister look, the one that scans your soul to the very bottom. Then she lifts up her hand to comb through my hair.

“What’s wrong, Wendell? You’re just not yourself tonight. Did… did something happen?” She says the last part in the quietest of voices, afraid of what the answer could be.

I shake my head. It’s not only that I promised I wouldn’t tell anyone, but how could I explain what happened? Josie continues to stroke my head, pondering.

“Is it because of Mal?” She finally asks.

I shake my head violently: “No! No, of course not!”

She looks still doubtful, so I add with all sincerity: “Honestly not. He’s a good guy. And I can see how he makes you happy. He better not screw this up, though,” I gesture towards her immense belly. “Or I’ll have my friends go after him.” It’s more than a thread, then she realises. She doesn’t know my friends are vampires.

She laughs: “Your friends need to find him first, because if he does screw up, I’ll have his balls!”

We both laugh at the mental image, but we both know Big Mal isn’t the screwing up type, and he loves my sister.

“Come here, you,” she says softly and makes me lie down on the bed, my head on her lap. Her fingers are still in my hair, and she hums a little melody.

“Do you remember? You used to love this when you were little. I think you were Soso’s age back then, and Mom was dying. You’d come to me when you were afraid or couldn’t sleep, and I’d sing Somewhere Over the Rainbow to you.”

“There was considerably more space on your lap then,” I mock-complain, trying not to be supplanted by her belly, and am rewarded for my cheek by a gentle slap across the back of my head. I can feel a chuckle rumble through her.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

I hesitate. Do I?

“There is someone out there for you, Wendell.” How on earth does she do that? That’s vampire mind-reading abilities right there. Only she’s not a vampire. Only big sister magic is at work here.

“And when you meet him, whenever that may be, it will be perfect.”

I don’t know what gave me away; maybe I made a sound involuntarily, but she suddenly grows suspicious.

“Unless you already met him…”

This time I’m sure that a little groan escapes my lips. Josie positively squeals in delight and pulls my face up to be level with hers.

“Oh my god, Wendell, you have! You met someone! Tell me more!”

“Calm yourself down, woman,” I growl in response. “Or you’ll end up popping one of these babies out accidentally.”

“Oh, trust me, once these babies want out, there won’t be anything accidental about it.” She makes a dismissive gesture. I was there when Soso was born. I know.

“Tell me!” She demands.

I concede. I can probably tell her a little.

“There’s not much to tell. We actually only talked once. And I… I don’t even know if I’ll ever see him again.”

“Does he have your phone number? He’ll call you if he has any sense at all. If not, he’s not good enough for my baby brother anyway!”

I avoid her eyes.

“Wendell! You gave him your phone number, didn’t you?!”

“I forgot…” I admit meekly.

She huffs. “And he didn’t give you his either?!”

“Well, no… he did…”

She looks at me baffled. “Then where’s the problem?? Call him!!”

“It happened only this afternoon! And I don’t even know if it’s his real number. It could be fake.”

She frowns. “Did you ask him for his number?” I shake my head. “Then why would he give you a fake number? That doesn’t make sense.”

I shrug my shoulders sheepishly. I don’t know why I always assume the worst.

“You won’t know until you try, Wendell.” She chides me. Then she frowns in concentration. “Okay, you met this guy this afternoon. You have his phone number, but you don’t want to appear too eager. That it?”

“I kind of asked him out on a date?” I admit in the lowest of voices. “And he said he’d text me with a time and date, but then he left before I could give him my number…”

Her frown deepens. “Well, that was a bit silly of him. And about not appearing too eager… I’m afraid that ship has probably sailed.”

She sees the misery in my eyes and takes my face in her hands.

“Oh, don’t worry, Wendell! He probably likes that you’re interested and not afraid to show it!”

She can tell I don’t believe her.

“He didn’t run for the hills when you asked him out, did he? He said he’d text. Which means he’s interested, too!”

My sister, the eternal optimist. The yin to my yang.

“Okay, so here’s the plan. You wait until… say… tomorrow evening… and then you’ll text him. Texting is maybe less awkward, and you can choose your words carefully. So you text him, and tell him that you forgot to give him your number and now he has it. Bham! Ball is in his corner, and he’d better pick it up and make a run for it!”

She gives me a big encouraging smile, and I appreciate her optimism, even though I don’t share it.

I try my best to smile back at her, but it probably looks unconvincingly. Josie’s hands are still on my face, her thumbs caressing my cheeks. She presses a big sister kiss on my forehead.

“Let’s go downstairs. There’s coffee and dessert. Pecan pie, your favourite. And Mal brought vegan ice cream from the shop. He stocks up on all kinds of vegan products now. I think he’s trying to impress you.”

She winks at me and adds in a whisper: “It’ll be alright. You’ll see.”

I nod. Resistance is futile anyway, once my sister has set her mind on something.

She stands up and waddles a little clumsily toward the door. “You coming?”

“Just give me a moment, sis.”

She turns around to give me a last look before she nods and heads back downstairs. I am left alone with thoughts about the future and the remnants of my past around me.

I pull out my phone. There are two texts. One is from Lestat. It’s actually a video message of him and Louis singing happy birthday to me. It’s ridiculously cute, and I glance at my Rockstar Lestat poster on the wall. This is so surreal. The second one is from Louis. He asks if he can come around my apartment tomorrow night and bring someone. He adds the vampire emoji to give me fair warning.

I text them both back. I thank Lestat for the little serenade and tell Louis, “Anytime after sunset is fine by me,” with a winking emoji. Then I switch off the phone completely and head downstairs to be with my family.